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| wow, just wow |
| 02.28.05 (9:37 pm) [edit] |
Ok, cheap wine is great. Life is um. Well, I can't say. Sorry. I've been absent for far too long, sorry all. I've ignored everyone. I've been kind of an a-hole. But hey, it's what I needed.
Weekend, sucked, and was cool at the same time. No time to explain, especially since a little too much alcohol with a really good friend doesn't help with sanity or making sense. So, I'll ramble for a bit.
Happy, sad, pisssed, complacent, all describe what and who I am right now. I'm reaching a stage in my life that I never ever expected to reach. Bottom, but the top too. Happy, and sad at the same time. I'm not a philosopher, so I'll just stop there.
Scribs, Lizzy, Anatina, etc, Love you all. Sorry I've been gone. Not responsive, I may do it again, but hey, it's not like I'm really making sense right now anyway. The friends I've made are strange indeed. Evil Dead Live?? Who would have thought it, but that's a different story. Definately worth seeing. Awesome indeed. Never thought you could do that good of a job making a bad movie into a play, but hey, who am I to think about that?
Well, ta ta, should sleep, and be responsible tomorrow. Don't want to be stupid or anything, but damn, wish I could give in like that sometimes. Just not in the cards for my life I guess.
The wind passes by
as a shadow slowly appears behind
taking breath into oblivion
good night.
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| It's been a while, I'm still alive |
| 09.29.04 (3:17 pm) [edit] |
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Let's see here, what have I been up to that I haven't been able to post on tblog in a long time? Well, vacation was nice, two weeks, seeing relatives and friends.
How about hiting home improvement projects. Finally. I've been really busy doing this. keeps my mind off of things and people in general. I still have to work with "The Other Man" so life is a bit stressful at times, but this is only on a few times a month basis right now.
The house, ohh yes. Well, I've refinished the walls of one room completely. Patched wholes in the wall, sealed up new drywall, textured the whole room, and painted. Took a bit of time and effort, but the rewards are great on this one. It's turning into my photography studio. I'm wanting to start portraits and the like, so now I have a space to do this in. Models? Well, not yet really, working on that I suppose. I will be doing a location shoot in San Fran early Oct. with a professional model, which will be great indeed.
Started work on another room, but have to wait until I get some electrical problems fixed out. Then I can finish patching walls, replacing some drywall, and texture/paint, then recarpet. Should look good when complete. Kitchen is also on the list, but with little money, I'm restricted on what I can do. So far, just painted the cabinets, and have some of them back up in place.
Home front? Still crappy as ever. Lonely. But with the work around the house, it's been getting a little better. I miss her dearly, I want her back, and really it's hard to explain why. Coldness, darkness, lonliness, half truths, it's hard to swallow sometimes. But what do you do? I can't change her feelings. I can't change what she wants. I can't change myself not knowing what it is she hates about me so much. I'm scared, left to dust, seeing stone walls, and feeling the shudder of disregaurd. You don't just stop loving a person after ten years. You don't just leave that behind to "circumstance". I can't. It's not me. Enough of this I suppose. Onwards and upwards right?
I'll try not to be a stranger anymore.
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| If only I had listened! |
| 09.08.04 (5:38 am) [edit] |
1Cr 7:28 |
But if you marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you. |
Man, was God really not kidding about that one!
Just a heads up for those who are single I guess.
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| Where have I been? |
| 08.31.04 (10:00 am) [edit] |
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Oregon Baby!! Yeah, took a little side vacation. Have taken lots of photos, and lots more to come. But just to give a few pictures out, to let you all know I'm alive, check it out (That's me holding the baby in the later photo).
=http://photos.stephenmcclain....Oregon Photos
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| Must. . . Resist. . . Deflector Shield, Not working! |
| 08.02.04 (4:42 pm) [edit] |
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| Floating Away |
| 07.30.04 (10:08 am) [edit] |
Floating away from my body
I see the emotional cloud that hangs
deep inside that chest
that appears to be locked and shackled away
Cutting out like a knife
are the thoughts of pain and anguish
to be replaced by seemingly impossible actions
that are necessary for life to move on
Surgery becomes a normal piece of life
replacing the bad with the good
the process of cutting so deep
to remove the cist that grows
is the pain that builds a stronger me
the pain that's sure to go.
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| life is a hurried list of shadows |
| 07.28.04 (9:26 am) [edit] |
life is a hurried list of shadows
they pass by as furious wind
sometimes to catch a glance
at the marvolous creatures they represent
if you are lucky enough to catch this shadow
it stands as a tall reminder of what soon will pass
to take this away
is to take away the light
when the light is removed
so are the shadows
All around the lights are turned on and off
as the shadows appear and disapear before me
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| Rolling water |
| 07.27.04 (9:30 pm) [edit] |
Saphire drops, come what may
that takes the salty tear away
rolls down my face as sure as wine
turns to vinigar aged with time
The single roll of viscous content
that emotion springs for no event
i stare with blank starry eye
to space and see the black cold sky
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| Dreamed of a day (Poem Update) |
| 07.27.04 (12:43 pm) [edit] |
This one started off well, but changed directions somewhere along the line. Enjoy.
I dreamed of a day
of golden dawns
of singing birds
and the deep green fawn.
Waking to the sound
of the sea so furious
it beats with my heart
it makes me curious.
The night has faded
into the the sunrise
To start a new day
that's sure to surprise.
Walking the footsteps
so many have followed
as seen in the sand
before the sea has swallowed.
Smelling the fresh breeze
of the oceans wind
such sweet smell arouses
segulls fly, and otters swim.
The sea reminds me
of the life that I bring
to ebb and flow
it's a new day of spring.
On the vast horizon
a ship sails its sails
fishers of our life blood
that feed us to bring a new veil.
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| I'll start one of dem dere quiz thingies . . . |
| 07.26.04 (9:33 am) [edit] |
You are an SRCF--Sober Rational Constructive Follower. This makes you a White House staffer. You are a tremendous asset to any employer, cool under pressure, productive, and a great communicator. You feel the need to right wrongs, take up slack, mediate disputes and keep the peace. This comes from a secret fear that business can't go on without you--or worse, that it can.
If you have a weakness, it is your inability to say "no." While your peers respect you, they find it difficult to resist taking advantage of your positive attitude and eagerness to take on work. You depend on a good manager to keep you from sinking under the weight and burning out.
Take it! I dare you
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| Pics: Hakone Tea Garden |
| 07.25.04 (1:45 pm) [edit] |
Can't get enough this weekend, well, here's some more pictures. I probably should cut down on the number of pictures to display, but ohh well!
11/30/04 - Sorry all, moved the site, removed some pictures, but most are still available just by going to =http://photos.stephenmcclain....My Photo Site
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| But I still remember, just the way you feel! |
| 07.22.04 (5:34 am) [edit] |
It's been a while, as the song goes. Ohh well, life hits you sometimes. Can't control that I suppose.
I did see something the other day that I just had to remember, and write down. It was possibly one of the most ironic situations I'd seen in a long time. I wish I had my camera (although the people involved are probably grateful I didn't!)
So I'm driving home from work, and on to Tully road. Well, the light was green, just not many people were going through the light. As I got closer I saw the accident in the intersection. Get this, A tow truck had plowed into an SUV. I couldn't help but laugh at the irony! I felt bad for laughing, but at this point, I don't really care :wink:
(singing to self) "Sheep go to heaven, goats go to he-l-l-l" Don't ask, really addicting song stuck in my CD player right now.
I guess this is a ramblings post, don't have a whole lot to do any more but think, read, watch movies, drink, make friends, and do things I just never had the time to do before (like just sit and relax, meditate etc). Trying my best to stay away from the computer (other than work, ohh... which reminds me, I should get there at some point today, stupid meetings).
Woke up at 4 this morning. Can't sleep. Not tired. Watch sunrise. Damn fog layer. Nothing to see. Find coffee (ok, after driving around trying to find a place to watch the sunrise), and vwalla, here I am. Feeling pethetic as I sit at a coffee shop when I should be heading to work.
Arg. Life in a nutshell I suppose.
"How the hell did we wind up like this? and why weren't we able"
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| Quick Photo Update |
| 07.10.04 (9:46 pm) [edit] |
Well, alas, I've added some more photos to my collection, the San Francisco Zoo! Haven't been there in so long, it's hard to remember it before.
=http://photos.stephenmcclain....Go to Photos Remember to select the galleries button.
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| I know that I will catch hell for this post |
| 07.05.04 (6:42 pm) [edit] |
but I'll post it anyway . . .
What do you all think?
“Marriage is not supposed to make you happy. It’s supposed to make you married, and once you are safely and totally married then you have a structure of security and support from which you are free to make yourself happy, rather than wasting your adulthood looking for structure”. ….. Frank Pittmam
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| Fine Scribs, I can't resist anymore. |
| 07.05.04 (5:54 pm) [edit] |
| tracesoflife is poisonous! Induce vomitting if ingested. | N
POISON |
From Go-Quiz.com
I know there's a couple of people out there that will most likely get a smile out of this one. . .
Just added, I capitalized T in tracesoflife, got the following, put a huge smile on my face ;)
LOOK OUT!
ïòð | | Tracesoflife is a radioactive squirrel!! |
From Go-Quiz.com
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| Time |
| 06.27.04 (3:51 pm) [edit] |
It beats onward
sometimes without us.
Racing to catch up
but never really in focus.
It's our enemy
chasing away our youth
running into walls
and loosing our couth.
Laughing silently in words
as it slowly beats at our heart
turning to see why it mocks
it shows us the way to the start.
Come on, keep up
it says with longing eyes
you have but a life
to rebuild all those ties.
Ties that are lost
due to lies and deceptions
longing for to reach
the timeless and beautiful reception.
Ahh but we can never catch time
nor are we really ever meant to
Time is not our friend
when the stakes aren't only for you.
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| I will |
| 06.27.04 (12:02 pm) [edit] |
I will not live my life in fear
Basing my decisions on others reactions
No more can I live by their rules.
I will not be taken by emotion
for it is the being that destroys the true us.
Emotions change, but integrity doesn't.
I will make a stand for what I believe
To the dying day, no matter how painful
For if I don't, I will be a man of no charachter.
You may argue with my beliefs
but don't try to change them
for they are mine and mine alone.
I will not be persuaded by circumstance
For doing so will tear at commitments
and slice the thread of my being.
I will endure heartache, pain, and love
all for a better tomorrow
and to know that I stay true to myself.
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| Sand of endless glass |
| 06.18.04 (9:00 am) [edit] |
Diving into this vastness
of waters unknown
I take the plung
to see what I have done.
Staring at the distant
sand of endless glass
is the eternity
that is represented in 1st class
Beyond the horizon
stands lands and lives unfound
by the lonely passerby
of this so near -sound-
Familiar lives pass by
in the close and in the near
unkown worlds and lives
are all that lie in fear.
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| Dreamer |
| 06.17.04 (3:47 pm) [edit] |
Alone I sit
at this coffee shop
which is becoming to me
a place of refuge.
Many people I have met
Recently at this place
Some very interesting people,
but none compare to you.
There's been a Dot Com
bomb out, who now dives the dumpsters
And puts up web pages
for the homeless in Bezerkely.
There's been a man,
who's girlfriend took away his daughter.
A nice gentleman, who has seemed to lost his way
But by talking to him, you can see his love for Children.
Another one is a simple fellow
very up on life, and knowing his life's not over.
He's not young, but keeps himself alive.
Doing the thigs he loves, and caring for his wife.
Yet there's a man, who saddened my heart.
He seemed to be an older gentleman
with a caring heart.
But left alone, he now wonders the street.
The life of the people I meet
now are interesting indeed.
It's makes me look around.
and wonder how i will be.
That day will come, when work no longer wants me
I will have to find that something
that keeps me awake and strong.
But alas, I've not reached that stage, yet!
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| Might as well keep up with Liz and Scribs |
| 06.14.04 (5:18 pm) [edit] |
Here you go, as promised, although for now, there are only a few photos, and these are of me getting used to the new camera, so some of the white balances are off, but I did try to fix a couple of them in photoshop (muhc better than the origs)
=http://photos.stephenmcclain....Photos
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| Man, this was a strange one. |
| 06.07.04 (4:41 pm) [edit] |
-- Campfires
The darkness settles
as the campfire simmers
Fresh smell of wood
burning and slithering
Dew has befallen
the ground so hard
let sleep creep up
only to not catch it
The birds have retired
to their nests for the night
the wolves have left
but the lion still hunts
Rest is not likely
although very welcome
it's warded off
by the dreams we make
Sleep tonight
or toss and turn
Either way
The dawn returns
Then to a new day
to face our fortune
whether with strength
or with wimpering.
As the sun arises
the campfires begin
To heat the substance
that we'll soon take in
Hardtack and coffee
You might scream ick.
But when nothing can be stomached
bland is on the on the bill!
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| Back to one! |
| 05.31.04 (2:28 pm) [edit] |
My life as though on a set.
Back to one, and I could start afresh
The director screams and yells
but do we listen as we fail?
Taking one step forward
only to slip three back
is the tip toe chorus
that comes before us.
Wailing silently to ourselves
as it takes a hold of our soul
comes the silent fear
that forces our tear.
Strength is just a game
a virtual reality of sorts
food can build our bodys
but the mind still follies.
I'm sick of this life
and all that comes with it
but alas, I have no choise
but to live and hear the noise.
Take care my sweet angel
for I cannot forsee
the life that is laid before us
the life that we must choose.
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| Take Me |
| 05.31.04 (2:11 pm) [edit] |
Take me to the shore
where the ocean may cleanse me
To the highest mountain top
where the wind my free me.
Take me to the deepest ocean
where the darkness can consume me.
Lead me to the desert
so that the sun may warm me.
And last, take me.
So that I may be whole again.
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